THE NON FLUFF EMOTIONAL STUFF™

Circles of Concern & Influence - Where to Focus Your Energy

Have you ever found yourself worrying about something completely out of your control — like what someone thinks of you, the economy, or even the weather? We’ve all been there. Our minds love to cling to the things that frustrate or frighten us, even when we have no power to change them.

But here’s the truth: worrying doesn’t change the outcome — it only drains your energy.

If we want to manage our emotions and protect our peace, we need to learn where to place our focus. And one of the best tools for this is the Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence model, made famous by Stephen Covey and used in emotional intelligence work everywhere.

The Two Circles That Shape Your Life

Imagine two circles.

The outer circle is your Circle of Concern — all the things you care about but can’t directly control. This includes things like:

Other people’s opinions or behaviour
Global events
The past
The weather
Traffic
Decisions made by others

Inside that circle sits a smaller one: your Circle of Influence — the things you can directly impact, such as:

Your thoughts
Your reactions
Your effort
Your words
Your habits
Your boundaries

When you pour your energy into your Circle of Concern, you feel anxious, frustrated, and powerless. But when you focus on your Circle of Influence, you instantly feel calmer and more in control — because you’re working with what you can change.

Why We Stay Stuck in the Wrong Circle

It’s human nature to fixate on what’s outside of our control. We think that if we just worry enough, plan enough, or talk about it enough, we might somehow change it. But the truth is, we can’t control the uncontrollable — we can only control our response to it.

When we stay stuck in our Circle of Concern, our energy leaks away. We feel helpless, our motivation drops, and our emotional wellbeing suffers.

When we redirect that same energy inward — to our Circle of Influence — we regain our power. Our actions, no matter how small, start to make a difference.

How to Shift Your Focus

Here’s how you can start moving from Concern to Influence today:

Notice your worries.

Write down what’s currently on your mind. Be honest. What’s bothering you, frustrating you, or draining your energy?
Sort them into circles.

Draw two circles on a piece of paper — your Circle of Concern and your Circle of Influence.

For each worry, ask: Can I do something about this right now?

If the answer is yes — it belongs in your Circle of Influence.

If the answer is no — it goes into your Circle of Concern.
Let go of what you can’t control.

Practise releasing those “concern” items. You can still care about them, but don’t let them control your emotions.
Take small, powerful action.

Focus your energy where it counts — on what you can influence today.

Maybe it’s your morning mindset, how you speak to your family, or how you respond to a difficult situation.

Empowerment Begins with Focus

Every time you choose to focus on your Circle of Influence, you grow your emotional intelligence. You become proactive rather than reactive.

And here’s the beautiful part — the more you operate from your Circle of Influence, the bigger it grows.

When you show up intentionally, take responsibility, and manage your emotions with awareness, you naturally begin to influence the world around you — not by control, but by example.

A Simple Reflection

✨ Take five minutes today and draw your two circles.

Notice what’s been living rent-free in your mind.

Then gently shift your attention back to what you can change.

Because peace doesn’t come from controlling everything — it comes from choosing where to place your energy.

💫 At Insite Mind, we believe empowerment is an inside job. When you focus on what you can control — your thoughts, your energy, your actions — you create calm from the inside out.

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Written by Alisa Pettit

It’s never too late for a lane change. Insite Mind is the brainchild of one woman who after a decade spinning in the hamster wheel of the accounting world gave it up to live out her heart work. But it didn’t come without challenge and a little nudge from the universe in the form of a book Dealing with Difficult People. Upon opening it Alisa was surprised to find in black and white text “maybe it’s you”. So after several ego deaths and many personal development books along the way Alisa Pettit found her way to coaching. Now a fully fledged positive mindset coach and personal mastery guru Ali’s work helps people find their way through mindset teachings.

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